Dirty, Sexy, Wealthy India

Are you upset that I am always saying bad things about India? Ok. Readd the second adjective in the heading. hehe!

I am using these adjectives because the India I grew up in, or the times when we all grew up in India as changed. If you want to really R2I successfully, stop expecting to come home to the country you left 10-15 years ago.

Why I am using dirty, I don't think needs any elaboration. A termed things as dirty naturally just after we R2I-ed. The little lake close to Papa's office was Dirty Lake. The road was- Dirty road. The children on road side were Dirty Boys(she did not know the boy and girl thing back then). It was amazing to see India from a US born 2 Year old's eyes.What has changed in 9 months is that as soon as she sees something good or lets say clean and uncrowded, she says "Wow!"

Now comes the interesting one- Sexy!
Not only because women wear much more revealing and body hugging clothes then 1999, but the usual glamor quotient on the streets of Bangalore has increased. Thanks to the fashion awareness and big labels. It is a very obvious reflection of the amount of money people are making, the amount they are spending and the amount they are willing to spend. Name a brand that is not here. Tommy is present in every A class malls.
Tommy has an out let on the airport as well. Levis has come up with an EMI scheme on jeans. So, don't be surprised if your maid comes wearing an authentic Levi's. You might want to consider visiting Tommy in that case.
Their is a positive thing about unsafe cities (read north India). Girls are unsafe and hence the fashion a little subtler. But, women in Delhi have even proved that wrong. Gosh! What fashion sense they have. Excellent figures, dresses and confidence! And I am not being sarcastic. Visiting a good mall in Delhi is like visiting a fashion show greenroom.

Now the more serious part- Wealth. Ofcourse you would like to come back to India with X+1 Salary. X being the highest salary you have heard about for someone who R2I-ed recently. 1 being any amount higher then X.
But even if you come at 0.3Y, you are fine. 0.5Y is good, anything above that is very good. Y being your current US salary in dollars. This is to maintain the same lifestyle as US. India is expensive. And people have money to splurge here. That is a very good thing because the living standard has increased. But, there may be times, when you might want to feel a little special then the rest of them around you. Then comes in the Y factor. Because actually anyone can afford everything and every place now. You might be surprised(read shocked) to see your co-diners at a moderately posh restaurants.

I really miss those days when growing up in a relatively smaller town (as compared to metros), fashion was anything other then Saree and salwar kameez, every one(upper middle class to elite) went to the same few restaurants in town, and things and people were much simpler.

But, on the whole, it feels good to be a part of it all sometimes. Because we are still not so out of the league. I wonder how we could have felt if we R2I-ed 10 years from now. A misfit may be.

Images- Thanks to images.google.com

The Human and Social Aspect

I have come across all sorts of NRIs in the US. But the vast species of our countrymen that you can find is overwhelming.

Where should I start from??

OK. Lets begin by saying that people do not have respect for your time, and your privacy, and your space. But yeah.......they can admire your body(if you are a woman or bear any resemblance to one) from head to toe in just one glance.

Right from electrician, maids, plumber, etc. to your very well educated and cultured friends and relatives, no one cares for your time. Both me and H have grown up in families where everything was done by the clock's tick. Very disciplined families(in fact too much disciplined). Now when some one comes late then the scheduled (late by 30-150 mnts.)time, I am sure the most-undisciplined ones will also lose their cool.
Friends who are suppossed to meet us at 6pm, turn up at 8:15-8:30. Then they got to prepare Raagi for their child(15 mnts), feed him/her(30 mnts). wash utensils and baby(15 mnts). Now they are ready to step out for the planned dinner at 9:30. Because only their child was hungry. Our's lives on air. Without even realizing that we have been waiting and our child is also starving since 8:00 PM, they move as per their convenience.

Just because I am a stay at home mom, the maid does not respect my time. She says, "aap to ghar pe hi ho na. aapko kidhar jaana hai!"(you are at home all the time.why do you need me to come early). Yeah I don't deserve timeliness.

Free advice is another huge turn off. Some random Auntie ji in the mall will comment on how you should put some warm clothing on your child as it is cold now.
I used to bottle feed A when she was a baby for social gatherings. Logic- If we went to meet someone for 1-2 hour, why should I spend 1 hour inside a locked room breast feeding?But looking at that, Auntie Ji said- tum apna doodh nahi pilati?aaya nahi ya diya hi nahi? kam se kam 1 saal to pilana hi chahiye. (Don't you breast feed the baby?Didn't you get any milk or you opted not to breast feed?you should feed for at least the first 1 year). Also, Why I should not give pacifier, why she must not wear this and that, why is she not potty trained at 2, why is she still drinking from bottle at 18 months. The best seller- when are you having the second one? Do to hone hi chahiye(2 kids are a must). Shut up...will you please......I wish I could say this.

Some very dear friends have flooded me with a mountain high pile of free advices. These are the guys who R2I-ed before us and have now settled down- what to do, how to do and they get upset if you don't do the way they have advised. Not that I care but it bugs. Useless blabbering all the time when you know the whats and hows better then them. Excuse me....I was born Here....I spent 25 years of my life here. I know how to treat common cold, tackle maids, how many leaves to give to maids, how to haggle, etc.etc.etc.

Another thing I hate about Bangalore(My knowledge of south is limited to B'lore) is that people-male or female, youngsters, oldies, middle aged, everyone will touch the child's face and take the hand to their mouth and kiss it. They don't have any ill-will. I know that. But it annoys the child, it looks and feels gross and most importantly, WHY???


But as I said, if it is your body....oh lala! your body is wonderland!
You get all due respect in terms of attention and stare. Even if you are very average looking, big, fat, dark, 30 something......you will be dissected. Not just by men but women too. I don't know what they are looking at.

Of all the things, if the human factor is changed in India- quantity reduced and quality improved, it is the best place to live in.

What am I missing these days?

Smiling, friendly faces, cleanliness, a nice play park with well mannered kids where I can take A and let her play freely without worrying about getting hurt or being bullied, organized traffic, roads like butter, etc.
Also-

1. Some honest cops
2. Some Traffic Rules
3. Some quietness(I am longing for it)
4. A lunch in a open air restaurant at santana row or Mountain view downtown
5. A baby sitter I can leave A with for 2 hours
6. My always Clean as new shoes
7. My always like just pedicured feet
8. A Long Drive- this one should top the charts- the concept of going for a drive doesn't exists out here
9. Shopping without being ran over and without having to scream at someone- I want my courteous and polite self back.
10. Sky- A "as blue as sky"sky- the sky appears hazy, polluted and sad here. You can't even see a 100 mtr. away tree clearly here.

Noise Noise everywhere!

Yes, there is noise 24/7. We live in a relatively quieter neighborhoods of bangalore.
Here are the variety of noises that makes you regret your decision at times and also, there is nothing you can do about it.

1. Traffic/ Honking, even in the quietest of neighborhoods. Or lets just say, there is nothing known as a quiet neighborhood in Bangalore. I am yet to see a street which does not have a market or a mini market or a cafe to keep the street noisy all the time. Not just honks, people have this loud annoying music as a car reversing attention noise. Some kannada music, some super irritating honking symphony, baby crying noise, animal sounds, name it, they have it.

Also, the gharrrrrrrrrrrr, gharrrrrrr, scooter noise that I can hear right now.

2. Constant baby crying noise- I am a mother myself and know what a baby crying is. But in apartment, there is no way you can escape this ever increasing (quantity and volume) of baby cries. one stops the other starts. Then the third is ready to give them competition.

3. Late night parties- I don't know if people really know what it is to live in apartments. I have had 2 incidents in the first 4 months of our stay when I had to personally scream or go, knock the door and plead to lower the volume at mid-night. Actually, the party begins at mid-night. Blasting music, people singing along, hahahaha-s, clappings, antakshris. I mean c'mon.
US was so quiet that sometimes it was depressing. And India is so bloody noisy that peace has evaporated completely.

4. women chit chatting across Balconies- can you even imagine......2 ladies in diagonally opposite buildings, different floors, discussing everything from their balconies, baby's health, the pediatrician, line of treatment, have your in-laws left, oh yeah I am a free bird again, did you see that movie, Uppi is looking soooooooooooooo cute, did you read about Pooja Gandhi's BF, Oh Really?, Yeah and what about Hritik and Barbara?.........

Give me a BREAKKKKKK!!

5. The temple Noise- Yes, I have a temple and a mosque across the street. I am not complaining about the mosque. And I am a hindu. I am complaining about the blasting mandir noise specially on festivals and special days. eeeeeeeeek! It is ...i don't know how to express.

You know what is the only noise I miss? sparrow noise, Koyal noise. It has disappeared. I don't think A will ever know what a sparrow chirp means. I feel sorry for her.

Roads & Traffic

Now, I hate to talk about this one. And there is nothing new that I am going to tell you. Nothing that you don't know of. BUT, being part of that traffic,driving in it, getting hit, getting your car scratched, being humiliated by traffic policeman, etc. and watching the indian traffic on Youtube are 2 very different things.

Watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIthEM6pDqw&feature=related

Doesn't this one look like a big group of bees whose hive has just been burnt??

It is nothing.

Traffic gets to your nerves. The noise, the no rule roads, the corrupt cops, the swirling bikers, the forever in hurry cabs, the lazy uncles, the men talking on their cell phones or even better-texting while driving, it is a pain. It has been 9 months since we R2I-ed but I still scream when some one comes extremely close to the car. They just don't care about your vehicle. Nor do they care about theirs.
Yesterday, while I was going to pick up A from school, we were standing at the red light on 80-ft. road. suddenly the bus standing next to us turned right. You got it right! on the red light, the bus turned right. and you know what happened simultaneously? the cop facing the traffic on our side, turned his back towards us!!! It was so very obvious. How can a cop on duty miss this?

We have been stopped by the policemen for violating the rules twice and we got away by paying Rs. 100 each time. Very easily. No begging, no sorries.

H has adjusted to everything so far, but traffic is something is is not able to adjust with.

It spoils the mooos. You are going to meet some friends for dinner at the new, upmarket restaurant and bam! some one just gave an scratch to your 2 months new Honda!

Another incident, H was travving with his friend and his family to another friend's house. 2 men on the bike tried to go past them and game a nice bump, scratch....basically nicely damagng one side of his santro. the bikers also fell. Now, it was one of those perpetual traffic jam situations and the bikers started fighting with our friend. Since the friend did not speak kannada, the bikers had an advantange in having the mob to their favor. One of the bikers tried to pull out the car key. It was all very heated up when suddenly our friend who was partly scared, partly, angry and surrounded by mob in a foreign town, bit the biker on his arm while trying to save his car keys. The biker started bleeding and it got even worse.
I do not know excatly how they got out of the situation but it was nasty.

So, the migratory birds, be prepared for the not so funny traffic in India and the cops who come along with the cars.

Health

Sorry for being away for a long time. But I was just running around fixing errands, school, socializing, etc. and by the time I was back, I was not in a mood to blog.

I realized that I had skipped an important part of my post R2I life- Health!
Before moving back, we were very worried about our Daughter's health. We had heard of millions of horror stories where Bangalore was cited as the hub for juvenile Asthma. So we had our fingers crossed for A's (daughter's) health.

Touch wood, A is fine so far apart from some regular cold and caugh, she is fine. She had a bad diarrhea once. She used to have cold and coughs in CA also, so I can't complain about that.

My Hubby (H hence forth) is also fine. Thank God!
It is ME who is dealing with health issue. Nothing major per say but one who is dealing with sickness, only knows the pain.

Here is a list of my health issues-
1. Initially, I had stomach upset (serious ones) every other week. Even if we did not eat out, my tummy would collapse.
Once we had dinner at Oasis Mall's food court. We bought some Rajathani thalis from the polynation food court. We realized that the dal was rotten almost towards the end. It was too late. This was in week 4 i guess.
We both had bad, very bad, stomach infection- lasted for about 8 days. It was horrible.

2. Allergies- I knew B'lore was the allergy district of India, but did not know that I would be the guest of honor.
I have 2 different types of allergies- a nose itch one and a regular- runny nose, red eyes, dry eyes, sneezing, wheezing one.

I started having this nose itch thing in week 2 and ever since, I have been scratching my nose like an animal every other day. I scratch it with plastic fork, my dupatta, or anything rough that I could find. It just doesnt go. I have tried all face packs, soaps, creams, medicated lotions, but no good.

Second one started appearing slowly and rather late also. When the second allergy happens, I am almost bed ridden for a day or 2 and it lasts for at least 2-3 weeks. And there is no guarantee that it won't happen for so many days. No Sir! It can happen after 2 days again.

I am going through homeopathy treatment now. I wont say that I am experiencing any improve ment, but lets just try. I have some good refernces for this allergy specialist homeopathy doctor.

Also, I have found one of my allergents- my pillow from Lifestyle. Can you believe it?
I discovered this disloyal sleeping companion about 3 weeks back and I am much better since then but then other allergents are still their.

There is one thing about Indian doctors- They give you anti biotics like candies.
there is no reason or logic that works for giving anti-biotics. There is no rule book too. I was once prescribed anti biotic for just 2 days!!
Initially, I was sitting at the doctor's clinic twice a month. The doc charged me Rs. 400 per visit! and a followup visit within the week was charged at the same rate.
Now I have found a cheaper doc. but if you think you are Indian. Think again. Coz these docs are very smart and know the Returned NRIs by face. The tests and fees is accordingly. :)

We are lucky to have found an excellent Pediatrician for A. Dr. Arvind Shenoy in Indira Nagar. He is awesome Very clean clinic, good advice. Does not love anti-biotics as much as other docs.
The only drawback with him is time. Either you do not get appointment for earlier then a week or you walk in and wait for 2-3 hours. But I think for kids, it is worth it.

What I have learnt is, Dirty and Indian cities are synonymous. Dust, puddle, insects, mosquitoes, flies are every where. We have adjusted to these pretty well now but initially they were a pain. Also, these are the major reason for sickness. People also have no sense of hygiene. we decided having outside food at only good and busy restaurants and not at food courts in malls. Since then the tummy problem is better but you never know.

My most reliable restaurant is Pizza Hut until now.

Western-isation

This is not something new that I am going to scribble about. All of us know how western we are in India and how indian we are in the US.

But some incidents do deserve mention here.

Incident #1:

I had taken my daughter to the play park in our complex and he is a conversation between 2 boys (may be 14 and 12).(the language has not been tempered with to keep the authenticity)
Boy #1- You know what.....my dad has a friend Joe who lives in Manhattan.....You know what Manhattan is? It is in New York.
Boy#2- Yeah I know New York. It is in US.
Boy #1- Yeah....but Manhattan is the business place in New York. New York is a State. But Manhattan is where this Joe lives.
Boy#2- Nodding his head all through
Boy #1- Whenever my dad visits US, which is every 2-3 months, he meets joe and one night they went for drinks some place in Manhattan and........

"Went for drinks", "Dude"- This is not the language 12-13 years olds spoke when we were grown ups(like 20-24).
Now this boy #1's dad must have had many friends with whom he went for coffee, tea, dinner. But since this guy Joe is a white, lives in Manhattan and with Joe, the dad went for "drinks", so this deserves a special mention. Also, this gave boy #1 a chance to flaunt his US knowledge and his Dad's foreign trips.

Incident #2-
Twin 13 year old girls talking to a simple 10 year old friend-

Twin Girl 1- We got to get going now since mom might be home any time now and I am feeling hungry also.(it was about 9:30 in the night and mom was still not home with teenagers! Hmmmmmmmm! May be I am too old-fashioned now).
Simple Girl- Oh! Is your mom back from the trip?Where had she gone to?
Twin Girl 1- She went to japan this time. And she has got us Wii this time.
Simple Girl- "Wow!!"
Twin Girl 2- Yeah Last year we got Laptops from US, this year we got Wii and Dad is bringing us iPods for our birthday.
Simple girl- Nods head and smiles while trying to hide her actual feelings about it."What is Wii?"
Twin Girls- Hahaha
Twin Girl 2- Wii is a latest Video game kind of a thing and you can plug it to your TV and play games.
Simple Girl- Oh! You know we are going on a cruise during summer break?(may be trying to hide her simplicity or modest family)
twin Girl 1- Oh That will be nice. We have been on cruise. It is soooooo cool! We ate cakes like anything.
Twin Girl 2- I dont like cakes. I love Pies.
Twin Girl 1- We are going to hong kong Disney land next to next saturday.
Simple girl- I got to go home now. Mom wull get upset.

How young kids are influenced by US is amazing(read shocking) here. We also drooled at the thought of travelling abroad or disneyland when were their age but these guys sound so wanna bes to me. And yes. Another girl who lives in our complex speaks english with a very strong american accent.....and I know she has never been to US. :)

Dude, Cool, kick ass, s***, F***, are the words for kids these days. We grown ups have to invent stronger words to express our feelings. And some parents dont seem to mind.

Ladies Special- Work and Family Post R2I

Before I go ahead to tell you about this, let me tell a bit about myself and my 'philosophy' on family. If you find me too conservative for you to handle, then skip this one. But, most of you girls (or girls' boys) will find me one of themselves.

I did my graduation in English Lit. from Delhi University, completed MBA, have a diploma from NIIT, and worked for 2 years with a MNC before I went to US. So, I definitely had career on my map of life and want to work. I worked for about 3 years before our daughter was born and once she was 18 months old (and grown up enough to be sent to day care, bit independent, and I could go to work without guilt of leaving an infant to someone), I started working again. I had worked for about 10 months post baby when we R2I-ed.
Now, for me, my child is my first priority. Neither my parents nor my in-laws can come to stay with us to take care of the child solely because I want to work. And I also do not want that because they have done their bit in raising us up and now it is their done to rest, live their own life and to spend quality time with grand children. Also, while in US, I did not expect my MIL or my mom to leave their husbands behind for 6 months at the mercy of maids and stay with us and after that leave them at home with the baby, almost house arrested, a and go out to work. If I felt lonely in US, how can I expect them to feel any better that to in their children's place.
Anyways, so family support is ruled out. My husband workes for a company based in the bay area and he has to coordinate timings with CA and Asia pacific also. This means calls starting from 6:30 am until 10 in the night.
To maintain sanity and peace, I decided to take it easy and stay at home. Also, I never worked for the paycheck. I worked for getting a sense of being productive, socializing and doing it for myself. You know what I mean!?
If it is for finances, then you have to do whatever is required to make it work.
So by now you must have understood how traditional or how modern I am.
Does that sound like you??

When we moved back, I definitely had plans to work. I wanted to take about 3 months time to settle down, start daughter's schooling, find a reliable maid, day care etc. and then start to look out for a job.
But since my Husband is working a minimum of 12 hours a day, we decided that I should stay at home to let the home be home and not turn it into a house with just walls. It is not that my husband has imposed this on me or that I am making a sacrifice but it is completely by my choice.

The reasons are innumerable but to list the major ones-
a) Long working hours for hubby- This means he is completely exhausted by the time he is home and if I also come back home completely exhausted, who spends time with the baby??
b) There are good day cares like "Your kids r our kids" but the closest one for us is about 7 kms. And the place where I am getting a job is in totally opposite direction and there is no great day care there.
c) Maid is not so reliable to leave the child with her- The child will learn her language, way of things. What if she doesn't show up? I have seen with my eyes, maids screaming at the children and the child being so scared that he was unable to even cry. He was just mumb and sulking. The very day I decided not to leave my daughter with any aaya.
d) Child molestations happen everywhere but still US is much safer and after all, police does their job there. I have heard od n number of cases in bangalore where cops were involved in chain snatching, robbery, extortions, murders and molestations. Police is completely corrupt and no one can debate that.
My daughter's friend from school is a Brit. They were here on expat for a few months. Last week while in the park( and it is a very nice, bustling public park, I have seen it), she was taking a stroll with her mom n little sis. A man who pretended to be asleep took his thing out and showed her how it worked. And the girl was obviously curious because she had never seen anything like this before. Suddenly the mom who was looking after the little sis a few feet behind got suspicious and took her away. The man had courage to do the same thing to the mom. Can you beleive this??
Do you think an Aaya will take care of your child in such a situation?Let me tell you, the maids are busy in their own socializing while at the park. Completely engrossed. Another reinstatement about me not going to work.
e) Traffic- This is also an important reason for me choosing not to work. It is crazy traffic out here in Bangalore. You can take anywhere from 30 mnts to 2 hours to tavel 5-7 kms.
f) Even if you are not very ambitious and take the job as a little timepass, you tend to get competitive while at work. This is very natural. So will you quit your job if you become competitive?

I am looking for a job where I can work from home or go part time while my daughter is at school. But I want to be home by the time she is home.

I have offered volunteer help with administrative work at my daughter's school and they have shown some interest in that. I might get my first assignment this month. :) I think I will be more then satisfied doing that.

Now you must be wondering what I do the whole day.

So here goes my timetable-
6 am-wake up sid
6-6:45- tea, newspaper
6:45-7:00- cleaning maid comes.
7:00- 8:30 - my daughter wakes up, supervise the maid, brush child's teeth, give milk, make tea/coffee for maid, make preliminary preparations for breakfast and tiffin, give shower to the kid, start laundry load, breakfast for the child, prepare breakfast for hubby and coax her to eat till 8:15, breakfast and hubby on the table.
8:15- bye bye....I love you, I have my breakfast while cleaning table, kitchen etc.
8:30-9:00- Check emails, put clothes on line, etc.
9:00-9:45-work out, yoga, bathing
9:45- start waiting for kitchen maid
10:30 Losing cool coz maid still not there, call. do my type of dusting, clean up, etc.
10:30-11:30- maid #2- cleaning kitchen (I haven't kept a cook because I also need to keep myself busy)
11:30 leave for school to pick up kid
12:30-lunch
Till 2- general household work
2-4- Strictly MY time. I read, blog, reply emails, play video game, watch TV, whatever but this is my time.
4:00- Prepare dinner
5:00- Daughter wakes up, snack time, milk, freshen up, etc. Take clothes off the line
5:30 - go to park or play at home
6:30 start calling hubby to ask him what ytime he will be home tonight.

Once a week I go to do grocery shopping and other market work. this is usually when kid if off to school. Phone calls happen in between daily chores.
Phew! I am a busy person.
But I will get busier once she starts going to a regular 'big' school coz then I will have to take her to swimming, Shiamak davar(ha ha) classes, tennis, dance, singing, etc.

Definitely, I have much more time at hand then I did in the US even when I was a stay at home mom there. But, I still get completely stressed out here. Any guesses why that is so??;)

Soccer Moms in vogue

The "Soccer Mom" culture is prevalent in cities like Bangalore and Gurgaon also.
Specially in apartment complexes, parents are competing like anything. All moms are either running to Tennis classes, Dance classes, Music classes, swimming, karate, painting, horse riding, or some other classes all the time.
Like polio drops motto "No child should be left behind", Shiamak Davar also has the same motto. Each and every child in Bangalore's society has to take Shiamak davar Classes. It is not Shiamak's fault but there is a crazy rat race going on here. And there is extreme pressure for education as well.

The by-products are- The home is left on maids, family expenses go sky rocketing, children spend a lot of time in extra curricular activities and in running around.

Also, this is my observation and has nothing to do with anyone, women(house wives) seem to have a lot of time at hand. May be because husbands work for 14-16 hrs a day, husbands come home late and leave for work late, they can afford maids so they will have maids even if they dont need some, or whatever, but some women spend 4-6 hours a day chit chatting in person outdoors. This does not include phone gossiping time. You never have this kind of luxury in the US. But this could be one reason for the crazy training sessions for kids or may be just because we are getting more westernized then western counteries themselves. So, like everything western, we need some soccer moms also here.

Schooling

Hmmm.....so here comes the t6opic which is still giving us kind of sleepless nights.

There are 2 types of parents-
1. Who become psychos to get a child admitted to #1 schools (And I am not saying they are wrong)
2. Who are kind of chilled out and accept that some people have to go at #2,#3......#n school also.

We are kind of mix but more in the second category for now.
NPS is the most sought after school in Bangalore and they have an extremely strict rules for admission. It is a very academics focussed school. Has 3 branches in Bangalore.

Then there are the convents- Bishop Cotton Boys, Bishop Cotton Girls, St. Mary's, Etc.
There is also a string of International schools. I have not done too much research yet but going by word of mouth, the international scholls' fees is about 4-5 Lakhs pa. As compared to about 1 lakh for NPS, and the likes.

The demand and supply for schools in Bangalore is really imbalanced. For every seat there are 300-500 applicants.

Our daughter was just 2 years and 2 months old when we moved back and people asked us to forget house hunting and to rush to schools and beg for admission. We had a short term panic attack.
But then we talked about it and decided to let the child take it easy for now. As it is she was dealing with a new country, new place, new people and c'mon....she was just 2. I started going to school at 4.
But social pressures in India are so much that you hav to do certain things even if you are not fully convinced. Otherwise people start looking at you with the 'you are a moron. you dont care about your child's education' eyes.
Whatever, once we settles down, I started visiting schools. I went to NPS first and was told that even if I get them an IAS officer's request, even then my girl cannot get an admission.
Forget it.
I started with the play schools- Eurokids, Kidzee, Shemrock, Neev, etc. I visited 12 schools. I am not exagerating.

So here goes the school hunting saga.
I was shocked to notice that in most of the play schools, the children did not wear any footwear. Not even socks. May be it's a south culture. And the schools I was visitng were in Indiranagar(one of the poshest areas of banaglore).
There were 2 inches nails coming out of the benches in some, the toilets were dirty in another one, the teachers looked like Aayas in some.

This one is worth a mention. I went to Poddar Jumbo Kids in Indira Nagar and the receptionist started telling me about the school. First, she could not speak proper english. I am not expecting her to be perfect or fluent, but I did not understand what she said at all. Then some teachers came out looking and smiling at us as if "bade din baad shikaar haath laga" (Going to get some good food tinight kinds).
Our daughter was with me and she rushed towards one of the classrooms. Before I could get up and stop her, she was inside the classroom. Suddenly I heard a woman screaming as if shoo-ing away a stray dog and my daughter was running out of the classroom, very scared. The teacher of that class had eyes wide open in anger, her hand towards the door, finger pointing outside, and screaming "go out, go out". "My baby is definitely not going to this school even if she remains uneducated all her life", I decided.

Finally, I decided on Kidspace in Indira Nagar. The staff was courteous, Principal very impressive and the teachers were welcoming even when we were taking a tour of the school. My daughter has been going there for the last 6 months now and I am very glad that I chose this school.

But to tell you the truth, even play schools have awaiting list-a very long one.

As for NPS, I have heard that the selection criterion are- Income of 50 Lakhs+, Single income Family, Returned NRIs, etc. They conduct an interview even before they give out the forms. But to get first hand account, you have to wait.
Also, Schools are insanly particular about age. Ex- If she is 3 years 3 months, she is eligible. If she is 3 yrs 4 months, she is not eligible types. Being an October born, our daughter will have to lose 1 year.

About the convents, they go through agents. The agent charges about 1.5-2 lakhs and then something for the school(I really don't know how much is that). Then you get admission in 3rd or 4th list.

I am not a big supporter of International schools because of fees and the frills, so I have not pondered much.

If you are moving to Bangalore and have a child of school going age, then I will strongly advice you to be here by Sep. because admissions start in Oct. and are closed by Dec.

Sometimes, I really get very jittery about the education situation here. If this is the condition for montessori or play schools, what will happen for university??

List of things to bring with you when R2I-ing

I brought a lot of things with us which seemed like not required at that time. But, they were very helpful. I took about 1 year's supply of things like medicines, cosmetics, clothes, cleaning supplies, etc. And I am glad I did that.

So here is the list-

1) Medicines- For self and for Kids. Atleast common ones like Tylenol extra strength, Claritin, etc. for yourself.
Tylenol Cold, Cough, fever, pain, Laxatives if any applicable(in our case, our daughter was on Miralax on a regular basis when we moved back), Neosporin, Diaper rash cream, etc.

2) If your child is on Diapers, bring lots and lots of diapers. In India the quality is pathetic(no absorbency, bay sticker, very flimsy and tear-able) and expensive also.
3) Bounty Kitchen Tissues- You will take time to adjust to the cloth or the tissue quality in India
4) Windex
5) Laundry stain remover- There are some very good stain removers available in India also like Vanish but to get used to will take some time.
6) Clothes for children in India are very expensive. Also, you might take some time to get used to the quality and designs also. If possible, get larger sizes as well. I had also brought a lot of Osh Kosh jackets and sweat shirts for my daughter. They are very useful. And you do not get anything even close to that here.
7) Shoes- Definitely the shoe designs are better here and cheaper too. But I loved the comfort of shoes in US. So get yourself a few pairs.
8) Cosmetics- Branded cosmetics are very expensive her and you don't have deals also. Like walgreens or CVS. So get yourself lipsticks, lotions, moisturisers, face washes, creams, etc for a year. But, if you don't wish to save, everything is available here now.
9) Cosmetics for children- In this case saving money is not an issue but quality is way too different. Specially J&J baby lotion is watery here, pale pink and has a wierd smell. I am used to it now but it took some time.
10) Utility items from Ikea- I would not recommend Ikea beds or couches but definitely things from the Ikea market, bath section, etc.
11) Furniture- If you are bringing a container with yourself, try to get major furniture with yourself. The leather couches in India are almost the same price or may be more but quality is very very different. I am not taking about the quality from the chinese/ korean/malaysian stores but from furniture boutiques or american outlets.
A word of caution- if you are planning to rent an apartment in India, the couch might turn out to be too big for the living rooms here. Indian couched are made keeping the new apartment sizes in mind.
12) Branded perfumes- Both me and my husband love fragrances and we have got our selves a lot of perfumes. You dont ever get perfume deals in India. Never. I got burberry for $20. That is not possible in India.
13) We used to cook in olive oil. And we got a few litres from costco. Olive oil is very expensive in india- about Rs.700/lt. for an average one. Bertolli, etc. are more expensive.

I would be happy if any of my readers can suggest some more items.

Back to R2I- Why to move and why not to move?

Everyone has his or her set or reasons to R2I or not to R2I. But what I have learnt from our experience is-
Do Not-
1) Move back for Patriotism. The patriotism vanishes in 3 months after you face the real India. Unless you want to become a full time social worker or start an NGO or something, I don't think you can manage patriotism after a 9-9 job, work life balance, traffic, and everything else.

2) Move back because everyone in your circle of friends is doing it. Do not succumb to peer pressure.

3) Move for the heck of it. Make a informed choice. If possible, spend 3 months in a city like Bangalore, Gurgaon, Hyderabad, etc. to experience the "Metro Mania" before making the final move.

Dos-
1) For Family/ Self
2) Finances- Some people can financially do a lot better in India then they are doing in US. Do not stay in misery in a foreign land and Drop India for prestige.
3) Belongingness- This may be a very valid reason for most and it is fully fair also.
4) Better Career prospects

Do we want to go back?

There hasn't been a single day that the thought of going back or comparison hasn't crossed our minds. It is natural. Also, we must give it at the least 1 year before calling it quits.

So to answer the question....yes and no.

Yes, for all practical reasons listed here. we do strongly feel running back sometimes. Sometimes the feeling is very strong and sometimes it is not so strong.

And No because we are not giving up so soon. We have made a conscious and informed choice. Nothing that has happened in the last few months was a surprise. We knew about it. But still we came back. Also, we were born here. I know it wasn't this mad when we were growing up and also we had no bench mark then.

Plus, India has more people living here then in the US. They are surviving here and so can we.


Kabhi Haan Kabhi naa! :)

What do I miss?

I used to think I will miss a lot of things, but it isn't too bad actually.
Here are the things that I miss-
1)Roads- I cannot imagine having those roads and that organized traffic in India even 50 years from now. Roads and traffic really kills the entire fun and planning here. And many a times, kills people and animals too.

2) Cleanliness at home/ outside- I am a bathroom cleanliness freak. Even if my entire house is dirty, my toilets used to be sparkling clean. However hard I am trying, I am still thousands of miles away from THAT feeling of cleanliness. I don't still fell fress after taking a shower. We have made our bathroom as close to our US bathroom as possible. Shower curtain with liner, shower caddy, cleaning supplies, everything is there. But it still looks and feels not so clean.
Also, you cannot walk on the roads or footpaths without worrying about stepping into something really nasty. and I forgot to mention.....there are no footpaths at all. They are either dumping beds, broken or dug. else, the dogs and cows have occupied the space to sleep.

3)Public toilets- Actually, this is the chart topper. Going to the loo outside of your home is unthinkable. Only premium restaurants have clean toilets but you have no option to go to the toilet on highways or if you are out for sight seeing. So, better option is to stay hungry and thirsty.

4) Taco bell- It might be just me but I do miss Chicken chalupa, 7-layer burritos so very much.:(

5) Shopping- Shopping or going to the mall is US is fun, and entertaining. I sometimes found shopping therapeutic also. (you can think of me as a shopaholic....its ok)
But going to a mall in India means mob, annoyance, spoilt mood, etc. Because Mall in india is definitely not a place to shop here. People come to entertain their guests, date, or just pass time over the weekends.
"Honey I am bored....lets go to the mall"......i think every house speaks this over the weekends.

6)People- I do miss those well behaved, courteous people, those un-staring people, those not rude people, honest people, On-time people. I miss all these kinds of people.

7) Order- By order I mean just the order of things. Like cars are parked in parking lots, not in the middle of the roads.
People walk in parks or on curbs. Out here, people start taking a stroll on the main road while you apply sudden breaks to your car. But they won't pick up speed....they will still stroll at their own pace....on the road.
The stores open and close on a fixed time. Not whenever they wake up.

I think, thats all I am missing.

The Positives

I must be sounding like one frustrated woman. So to get you a little encouraged, let me tell you the good things now.

1. Proximity to parents- See, I am contradicting myself now. I told you na....there is a twist in the tale.:)
It is definitely easier to reach to family while you are in India. You dont have to make a year long planning, booking, shopping, etc. You can just plan today and leave 2 weeks from now to get good flight deals. And you don't even have to worry about food for husband because maids come in handy. (Yes, there are Shiney Ahujas in this world but c'mon, your honey is not like that).

2. MAIDS- Even after all the woes, they are there. I was sick of loading and unloading the dishwasher and the buzzing sound it used to make. I had a permanent back pain caused by bending into the kitchen sink to wash dishes, chop vegetables, etc.
But I would like to add- dishwasher chutti nahi karta.(dishwasher doesn't take vacations). And it does what it is supposed to- Cleaning!

3. Help in case of sickness- In US or any other western country, you don't have any help if the woman falls sick. I have experienced this. My wellness was utmost priority for me so that I could take care of others. I have had my series of sicknesses in US also, but I had to get up and do the chores and take care of the child, cook, etc.

4. The Rain smells awesome here- Rain doesn't smell better anywhere in the world.

5. The Bhutta wala, availability of chai on the highways, nariyal pani on roadside- you don't get all this in US. I used to miss chai so much while traveling in the US.

6. Availability of all US grocery items- Atleast in Bangalore, you get all grocery items we are used to. Also, ingredients for other cuisines are easily available. I used to have difficulty finding good Lemon grass for thai food in California. But, It is so easily available her. That too double the volume for only Rs.7!!

7. Mother tongue for the child- Our daughter has definitely picked up a lot on hindi front. Special thanks to Dadi!:) We have had 2 visits to our hometowns ever since we have moved back and my MIL came to stay with us for about a month. And her stay helped our little one pick up on hindi. She speaks amazing hindi. Her american accent is almost gone. I do feel a bit sad about this but it had to happen and we cannot help that. She is yet to pick up kannada.

8. Iron Man- Finally, you can say bye bye to the afternoons apent ironing clothes. Iron man is there to your rescue. You can utilize that time to do things you always wanted to do but never did....like blogging.

9. Fruits and vegetables- Not that there was any problem in getting indian food in Cali. But here you get some fruits what were not there in the US. Guavas - 5 for 25 Cents. Jealous??
Sharifa/ custard apple, Faalse, ber, Jaamun, jackfruit,...list is endless. Something is burning!!;0


These advantages are not in any hierarchial order. All are equally important.

Getting a Cell Phone Connection

I hate to write about this one. This was the thing that had me out of my wits for the first time. And it is not the only thing to stress me out. I have screamed at several people-on phone and in person. I never thought I can ever behave or scream like that.
The list of few targets of my woes are-
1) Big Bazaar
2) Courier- Prakash, Safex
3) Odyssey- Indira Nagar
4) Shoppers Stop
5) Airtel Service Center
6) Maids
7) Everyone else who comes in the way of my screaming ride

Apologies to anyone I have missed out on mentioning in my 'wall of claim'.
And my husband and daughter are the most frequent and ever available victims of my wrath. I feel really sorry for them.

Since we had moved back to a new city, we had no address proof immediately. Later on my husband for a address certificate from his office. But we needed SIM cards immediately. So our dear friend took a SIM on his name for us. Later on, my hubby went to airtel to transfer it in his name. And also to get 1 new SIM for me. They said it was not a problem and did it the same day.
about 4 days later I got an SMS saying that our SIM is going to get deactivated with immediate effect because the address cannot be verified.
What had happened was,after 23 days of our arrival and also after we had transferred the SIM, they went to verify our friend's address and he and his family were out of town. So, they cancelled our connection. Unfortunately, my mom and brother were flying from Delhi to visit us and now we had no way to communicate with them. It was such a mess. I really wanted to go back. Believe me, I had never wanted to be in US more before this incident. And of course, my unwillingness to R2I does not count here.

We rushed to the nearest airtel outlet to get a new connection. Thanks to traffic, the guard refused to let us in as the store was about to close. We pleaded and fought and got in somehow. and there was a looooong queue. It is queue in India for making a queue sake. you actually have to either barge in or even more simple- scream at the top of your voice to get attended to.
So we did a mix of both and told the story. They said that they came to verify our new address as well but there was no one at home. The problem is that these guys lie like anything. they deserve hell to lie so much. I did not step out of house before 8 pm any of these days to make sure that all couriers, verifications are attended to.

Finally we got 2 new connections. Again I stayed at home to get verified. The guy came after a few days and since then we have been using that number. This is the status as of now, can't say about the next minute.

Bank Account and Lockers

We needed to open a bank account and a locker is a must have in India.
We went by word of mouth as well as the market research results and decided to have an account with HDFC bank.
So far, we are quite satisfied with the bank. Do not compare your experience with banks in India to your banks in US. You will be very disappointed and will never be satisfied but still, they are doing a good job.

The funny or ridiculous part about opening an account was that they wanted us to give them a local check to open a bank account. If we had a local bank check or a local bank account why would we be here asking for a new account anyways???

We offered them an out station check from my hubby's account in his home town and they were not too glad and needed a few more documents to complete the process. Fortunately, my FIL has a business and thus a fax machine and he runs his business from home. So he was able to fax the documents to the bank within minutes. But what if he did not have a fax machine at home?! I will leave that for you to imagine.

Now, there was a 6 months waiting list for the locker. This was really annoying. Actually annoying is a very mild term for that experience we were going through.(and again, i would like to remind you, we had a toddler with us......I ran to a nearby grocery store to get some chips, water, juice, etc. also in between).

We decided to go to the B'lore branch of my Hubby's hometown bank. Luckily it was a minute walk from the HDFC branch we were being harassed at.
It was an IOB branch at CMH Road....now they have a new one but the one we went to was the old one. It was like a run down, dark, stinky, damp, depressing, untidy, dirty hall with partitions. I know they are a lot of adjectives, but each and everyone of these have their own importance in this context.
We asked the manager for a locker and he also told us that there is a 6 months waiting time. Then he gave us a very lucrative offer- "Transfer a minimum of Rs. 5 lakhs to your account in my branch and you can have the locker right away". WHAT The.....!!!!

This meant that he had a locker but wanted to sell it to us. Looking at the branch we decided to pass on the once in a lifetime offer and went back home.
My brother was working with Kotak Mahindra Bank in delhi at that time. I narrated him the story and he told me that Kotak branch in Indira Nagar had many lockers available and he can get me one. I was over joyed. I was so proud of my brother at that moment.
He fixed an appointment for us and we were there dot in time.
The person we were supposed to meet was out of office. I called him up and was told that he will be there in 15 minutes. Whenever anyone tells you 15 minutes in India.....translate it as anywhere from 1-6 hours. Why am I saying this? you will know in my future posts and also by experience once you R2I.

Again....we had a tired toddler with us and Mr. Kotak took 1 hour to be back. He also asked us for a local check.
Arrey paagal(a lighter version of what I actually thought).....agar local check hota to yahan sad rahe hote kya....woh bhi tere liye 1 ghante se???(stupid fellow...if we had a local check....would we be sitting here that too waiting for you for the last 1 hour)
Beggars cannot be choosers, so we smiled and completed the formalities. Once our out station check was cleared, we got a SMS and went back to get the locker.

One thing about India is that SMS is kind of lifeline here. For every darn thing, you get a SMS.

Domestic Help- Part 2

It is not all gloomy about the domestic help. There is a silver lining too.
Our driver is an excellent person.

When we moved back and looked at the traffic conditions of B'lore, I gave up the idea of driving completely. Plus, we both were new to Bangalore so routes and language was also a problem to get through.

As I have said earlier, we had decided not to act miserly and have as much convenience as possible to make ourselves comfy. So, we interviewed about 6 drivers by the same process of telling guards, etc.
Touch wood, but I feel so lucky to have our driver. I can completely rely on him. This trust developed over a period of 8 months. Trusting someone outright is not my style. I am like a highly suspicious woman out of any ekta kapoor soaps.
8 months is also not a long time but still, this man is a gem!

It does cost a lot of money. we pay him as much as my first job paid me about 8 years back. :) But he is every penny worth it.

Domestic Help-Part 1

I am pretty sure if you have read my earlier posts, you must be eagerly looking out for this one.
So here I go.

If you live in an apartment complex, it is quite easy to have a number of maids as options. And options are always good. But this one is an exception. Being North Indians, we needed a maid who spoke fluent english if not hindi.
We asked the guards and the apartment office to send us hindi/ english speaking maids.
And we had about 8 choices. The worst part was that they all came with different quotes for the same amount of work. Range Rs.1000-2200. Now that was very confusing and over whelming as this was the first time in my life that I was hiring a maid.

I liked one. She looked like a newly wed. Nice saree, 1 gold set and a heavy mangalsutra, big earrings, long nails with different shades for every finger(I noticed this one later), about 3 rings in each hand, bun with flowers and some local but strong deo fragrance.
"At least she looks clean and pleasant and has a cell phone too", I told myself. She had asked for Rs.1200 for Scrubbing utensils, Cleaning of a duplex apartment and 3 bathrooms. Bangalore is pricey!
So she started working. As soon as she used to enter the house, her cell phone would start ringing and she attended to every call. She spoke non-stop over the phone and the quality work kept deteriorating by the day. So after 26 days, I had to bid adieu to her as she wanted to go for a 7 days vacation for her niece's wedding. And she gave me no substitutes also. Also, she used to show up for work and then disappear without saying anything and not to be seen till the next day. She also took Rs.700 advance from me telling me that she has an autistic child. I know that was stupid of me. But Hello! I had just R2I-ed and had very high morals and the urge to help the needy because in US, needy is usually really needy.
The bad part was that our stuff had come before I fired her and I gave her a lot of stuff which we did not need then.
Believe me, this woman gave me a horrible time during the 26 days she worked for us. She even used to come to other houses to work and skip mine. She might have done the same to others also.

However, This time I decided to have 2 maids so that all the work doesn't fall on me in worst case scenario.
Life is comfortable since then as I have learnt to zip my mouth, ignore, tolerate, and do things my way over the weekends.
The problem with maids are:
1) Advance- Asking for it all the time and the amount may range from Rs. 50 - Rs. 10,000.
2) They cannot do what they are supposed to do- which is cleaning. Utensils are not clean, house is not clean. So you pay them to wash your utensils with water(and still the soap and scotch brites keep disappearing like tigers) and the brooming is like playing hockey match. Mopping the floor is comparable to spreading butter on your toast while you are trying to lose weight.
3) They need 4 holidays every month. It could be every sunday or 4 together.
4) Attitude- There is no dearth of work for them in apartment complexes, so they don't care
5) It is extremely difficult to find a reliable/honest person

Now, one of my maids is reliable but she has to go to Chennai every month for 4 days to her children. If I start working, I cannot take 4 days off every month from work.
Even if I leave my daughter to a daycare, I need someone to be at home in case I get late or to feed her if need arises.

I am not saying that women don't work here, but if children are your utmost priority and career taking backseat is an option for you then be prepared.
Going back to work is not easy unless you are too determined or unless you have family to fall back on.

Also, the better the apartment complex, the higher the charges.

Cable Connection

We opted for Tata Sky and we are pretty happy with the service and the reception.
They were very convenient to reach, interact, install. And yes- they were on time for installation.

So, no grudges against them.

Rental funiture

Remember I told you about our shipment from US??
We were informed that we will be getting our stuff about 15 days earlier and this was a big mood lifter for us. However, there was still about 1 month to go without furniture.
We decided on renting some basic furniture. This is one good thing about the Post-2000 India. You can rent furniture and appliances very easily.
But, if you are even the slightest cost conscious, then please be ready to compromise big time.
The furniture was not great but bearable. And we told ourselves- this is india and c'mon, we have to manage for just 1 month.
The rented furniture arrived and the porters damaged a few edges of out newly painted house.
This was not pleasant for sure.

The couch had all its jute peeping out from the cloth. The dining table had chipped edged and topped which gave us a few bruises also.
We covered up the table with a table linen and the couch with bed sheets.
The sheets didn't help much and we decided to be Indian in India and to sit on the floor or plastic chairs.

Buying the appliances

Now, this one needs a new blog altogether. But, for my readers' convenience, I will try to fit it in this one only.

There are innumerable electronics stores in bangalore. Every crossing, every block has an e-store.
These stores have a very good layout and have good designs on display and one of their salesman will also work with you.
We spent hours on finalizing a TV, Fridge, Washing machine, Microwave, AC, etc. (And we did this with a toddler- please keep this factor all the time in your mind).
After we had spent about 4 hours and a hungry afternoon selecting our electronics, we were told that all these are not in stock. NOT IN STOCK!!
I swear! I felt like killing this man. I had lost patience now and all my manners, politeness, also. This was e-zone in Indira Nagar.
We went to Vivek's, Pai's, and the likes but exactly the same story. They promised they can deliver it in a month's time. But who has seen that!

We finally compromised on certain models and placed the order with Giria's. He had most of the stuff in stock. On the day of delivery, we had to call the store and the truck driver at least 6 times before they came about 5 hours late then the scheduled time.
Not only this, the fridge was damaged. My Husband was the one to lose his cool this time and they took back the fridge and promised to get us a new one IF there is any stock.
We got it about 3 days later.

"The" Internet Connection

Getting the internet connection once the phone line was in place, wasn't that big of a pain.

You must be thinking that if we did get Internet connection easily, then why do I need to write a chapter on this one.
Picture abhi baaki hai mere Dost!!

About 1 week after we got connected to the world wide web, we were out of the web suddenly one afternoon.I tried everything I could like restarting the modem, laptop, etc. but no luck

My husband was busy the entire day in meetings and I could not get the customer care number from him. He tried his skills but only to find out that someone may have hacked our account because the username had changed to 'multiplay'. He called them up in the evening and the customer care guys helped him through. They made him go through a lot of edit, edit, delete, save steps and finally our internet was up. Also, he was told that the system switched to username 'multiplay' sometimes when it is not working properly but we don't need to worry about that.
We had a sigh of relief!

Now, this episode turned to be a every day soap and that too a melodramatic one. My husband had to attend to conference calls from home every night and he had no connectivity to the internet.
We were calling the customer care practically everyday.
One good agent told us that our modem had some physical problem and we need to get it replaced.
Now, starts the saga of going to telephone exchange to get the modem replaced.
To cut the long story short, here are a few painful things that happened-
1) The internet floor of the exchange is a haunted house as soon as you get out from the lift. No Human, No furniture, absolutely nothing.
2) I found a door and it looked like a residential floor because there were lots of clothes drying in the passage, there were women screaming in kannada, there was some really bad odour(I almost puked), and there were some tulsi, money plant pots in the passage.
3) I knocked on one of the doors to discover that I was on the right floor and I just need to walk past the clothes, dog, smell, pots, and public.
4) It was about 10:30 am and there was no officer present. Only an old maid brooming the floor, couple of Babus chit-chatting, a few victims like me, and various christ, Laxmi, Shiva, pictures.
5) The staff came at about 10:50 am and then started the act of 'my problem first'. The staff was well prepared for this and they started to point fingers at each other making the consumers go from one desk to the other.
6)I finally got my modem replaced with a used and dirty one-loaded with cob webs. I cleaned it with my dupatta and was directed to another babu to get it configured
He tried to bounce me over to other desks but I was too smart for that by now.
7)The babu had to configure it with his laptop and the laptop had no life
8)The cord of the laptop was missing!!!!
9)He found the cord and charged his lappie. Pretty cool na?
10) He configured my modem....phew!

And after 4 days, I was at the exchange again. This time repeating steps 4-10 this time.
And again after 2 days.
And after about 8 days, the gentleman who had configured the modem, was standing at our doorstep smiling.
I was a little inhibited to be honest.
"Hello Madam, how is your internet now? seems like you are still having problems."
I was even more inhibited now because this time the internet was perfectly fine and we had filed no complaints for the last 9 days.
I dont know if he was their to collect tip(he didnt look that types though but neither do other government officials) or if our first complaint reached his desk now.

Whatever the case may be, but our internet is fine now and

And we are an expert now on how to fix the connection in case there is a problem.
India teaches you so many things. Your neighbor's phone number, fixing the internet and I still crib about India. bad of me!

Phone and Internet Connections

The apartment complexes have their own policies about phone and internet service providers.
I was informed by our apartment complex office that they do not allow BSNL and Airtel. We were very upset about it because the ISP they had was only Sify. And we wanted either airtel or BSNL going by the feedback we had received from our friends.

We spoke to some of the residents and were told that we can have BSNL as well as Airtel and there was no issue at all. This shocked us as we did not understand why the apartment office was telling us a different story.
Finally, my husband went to the BSNL exchange.
Here is a little excerpt from the conversation he had there.
My Husband- I need to apply for a land line.
Exchange- Where do you live?
My Husband- CV Raman Nagar
Exchange- OK. Go get us your neighbor's BSNL phone number.
My Husband- Why?
Exchange- We will determine by that number whether this is your telephone exchange or another one.

WHAT!!!! The consumer has to go to the neighbor and provide the number to the exchange to find out his exchange. Shouldn't the exchange have a map of the serviced areas. This is INDIA.

We did not have any choice, so he took the neighbor's number. He was given a form to be filled out. My husband had forgotten his pen in the car so he asked for one. The lady said, "Youuuuuuuu are Sooooooftware guy. Youuuuuu should be having a pen na."
EXCUSE ME!

Yes, people generalize you. If they feel you are a techie, then god help you. Because you are a rich man and are liable to shell out extra money, have a pen, have a mobile phone, etc.

We applied on thursday and a lineman came and delivered a fixed line instrument on Monday. Wow! That was quick- I said to myself. And, I realized how very wrong I was bout my opinions about India and things do work here. People are getting efficient now.
The phone kept silent for the next 10 days. Their was no connection. We called up the customer care center, exchange, Line man, everyone but got no satisfactory answer or result.

Finally, one day the line man appeared at our door again and said the connection will be done that day.
After about 30 minutes, he told me that there was some problem and he would have to come again later. I shrugged and said, "OK".

Another 6 days passed. He appeared again and this time did the connection. He did. But he killed the intercom this time. Now I had to find him again to fix the intercom but he threw it on the in-house electrician to fix it.
The electrician fixed the intercom but put the BSNL phone on sedatives this time.
So, back to square one!

Finally, it took about a month to get the phone working properly.

As for internet, I don't think it would be fair not to dedicate a long blog to internet connection. So, keep reading.

Gas Connection

Getting a gas connection in India is no longer a 5 years programme. There are some private companies which provide you with gas the very day you apply for it. They do charge a little more but it is not that big a difference.
Some of these providers are Jyoti, ELF.

You can buy as many cylinders as you want to. Also, they deliver the next day in case of refill.

You dont really have to worry about this part and you can live without Indane, HP, etc. for good.

The first 3 weeks

We have no family in Bangalore. But we do have some very good friends and some cousins.
With the help of one of our friends, we had reserved a corporate apartment (serviced apartment) here, had a cab to pick us up from the airport and also a few other taxi service numbers handy.
The stay at the corporate apartment turned out to be very comfortable and we were glad we did not act miserly. It was a 2 BHK apartment with full power and water back-up and had a washing machine, fully equipped kitchen, some basic grocery items, fridge, TV, High speed Internet connection, phone line etc. The home owner was nice enough to even provide us with a pre-paid calling card which we used until we got our own connection.

It was really nice to meet all the friends after a long gap.

We realized that the 2 things we needed to work on immediately were-
a) Buying a car
b) Looking for a house/ apartment for rent

We had already made up our mind that we will live in an apartment only. We knew transition was not easy so we wanted to take it easy for the first year and make our lives as comfortable as we could.
The apartment decision was for a few basic reasons-
1. Security
2. Water and power back up
3. Community/ neighborhood
4. Ease in getting services

And, we are very happy that we made the right choice.

My husband started visiting car dealerships and test driving some cars. After we zero-ed on the car, we had to negotiate with the different dealerships. Life became a lot easier once we had our own car. You can call cabs but it is not as flexible and ofcourse, it costs money.

As for the house hunting, I google-d for some property dealers and started calling them up. We had and appointment with about 2 property dealers and saw about 20 apartments. However, we liked the very first one we saw of them all and decided to get things fixed and move in as soon as we could.

Indian apartments don't come in a perfect conditions as their US counter parts. People who left the apartment, leave it dirty. Really dirty and the home owners dont care to get it cleaned. So the appeal of the property is not great.
We also had to get many things fixed and I spent 2 full days cleaning the bathrooms and the kitchen to make the apartment live-able.
We had called a maid also for helping me. But believe me, you are better of without a maid sometimes. Getting things done is not at all easy here. Well, she did clean, but as if her hand had no bones and the the bone less body had no energy.
And since I was very used to doing things myself, I decided to do physical hard work to get results instead of finishing your brain, get annoyed and still not get any results.

Besides housing and car, we had to open a bank account, get a locker, get 2 sim cards, apply for landline, apply for internet connection, find maids, driver, etc. The list is endless.

The R2I

All said and done, my husband got a good offer (profile and remuneration, location) and we pondered a lot and decided to accept it.

We worked on logistics and realized that we wanted to spend this one last Christmas in the US. Anyone who has lived in US knows how nice it is around Christmas. The " We wish you a merry Christmas", "Feliz Navidad", etc. still ring in my ears. This was an emotional bit of our R2I. Well, our date was set to Dec. 27th and we booked tickets. Now hunting for a relocating company began. Fortunately, it wasn't too difficult and we used the services of Universal Relocation to move our stuff back.
We wanted to take the entire US with us. I even wanted to bring one of the lovely Ranch style houses also. And also my CRV. But, land might have been the problem here. And left hand drives is no longer legal. We had to settle for a 20 Ft. truck. The shipment usually takes about 60 days to reach your doorstep in India from the date they pack it all up in US. So our shipment left on Dec. 14th and we knew we won't get to see our stuff for the next 60 days to the least or may be never.

However, here we are, 9 months R2I-ed and with all our stuff with us. I feel nice sitting on my US bought leather recliner as I am keying in the blog.

My Reasons Against R2I

The list is long but might be worth reading.

1. Education system/ opportunities and ease of getting into top universities viz-a-viz top Indian engineering, medical or management colleges

2. Quality of life- Many might go against it but they will be the people who haven't lived outside of India.
General struggle for basic amenities is a lot. Power, water, housing, education, etc. are basic needs. Seeing my tax money going into government/ministers' pockets while I struggle to get things is not how I want my things to be.

Examples-Go to a bank, its a struggle to open a simple bank account.
It was almost impossible to get a SIM card when we landed in India and our cards got canceled about thrice before we finally got the last one.

3. Corporate/ work culture

4. Safety- Police and law in US does work. It really does. I know it is unbelievable for some.

5. Hygiene- Unless someone cites an example of "once in a godforsaken place in south Dakota", hygiene is not a problem in US. Whereas, finding a place to attend to nature's call should come with prior appointment in India. It's funny how I tell my daughter now not to drink water 'coz there are no clean toilets out there.

6. Lack of morals or humanity in general

7. My list will go on.

And by the end of this post, I must be sounding like an anti-India traitor. Believe me, every tale has a twist and so does this one. :)

His Reasons to Move Back and Mine Against Those

It would have been best if this came from the horse's mouth. But for now, let me wear the narrator's hat.

1. Proximity to Family- This reason is not a unique one and it is a valid one too.

My Argument- We can take care of parents from anywhere. Even if we move back we won't be living in his hometown so if we have to travel then why not from US.
I do agree about the time part but I don't think you can do anything in a super urgent situation from Bangalore that you cannot do from US.

2. Indian-ness for the children- He wanted our children to be raised in the environment we grew up in. Visiting grandparents, uncles n aunts, speaking fluent Hindi, knowing India, etc.

My Argument- I find US-Indian kids more Indian at heart then Indian kids. Yes, Indian kids do speak better mother tongue. But how does it matter if the child speaks American accent English or Desi English. All that matters is how much respect, values and morals the child has towards others. And I think, no culture in the world tells you not to respect elders, or to be dishonest, to be immoral, etc.
Also, I found the education opportunities and the ease getting into a good university/ school in US as a very strong argument.

3. The Indian environment- Sometimes he felt foreign and not at home in US.

My Argument- Go back to the post 2000 Indian metro and you will find yourself in a more foreign environment. India isn't the same and I am not very happy about that.

A Little Background

My husband is an Engineer and went to US to do his masters in 1999. It was his decision to go abroad to study but he also wanted to come back to India after a few(may be 4-5 years).
He completed his masters and was picked by one of the most sought after employers of the world and life moved on. We got married in 2004 and I also moved to US.

Life went on as a usual NRI couple. Exploring US, the differences, pros and cons, etc. My husband was very adamant on moving back all through. I was keen on moving back initially but as time went by, I did not want to come back. I found the American system of things more appealing. Some might want to call it material, but I would like to call it practical.

We had our disagreements on the topic of moving back and slowly I realized that he was as strong on moving back as I was on not moving back. The arguments got more serious and frequent. In the mean time we had our daughter in 2006.

I don't know if it was the responsibility that comes with motherhood, or the need to settle down in life being a parent or something else or may be I was sick of the arguments. I kind of gave up and left the decision to him. I told him how I felt but I also told him that I want to have a decision and a finale to this issue before our daughter starts going to school. So I gave him a time of 3 years in a way.

We were in India for good in Dec. 2008 - less then 2 years since we had the mentioned discussion about r2i.

The journey so far has been a mixed one. I won't say it was bad. But it is not great either. :)

Confused? Read on.

Introduction

I did not know the meaning of R2I till we started to do research about it seriously. R2I in Indian terms stands for Return to India. This blog may be of relevance for any Indian who wants to move back to India from any country(r2i), Never wants to come back(N r2i), or moves to India but wants to move back to the foreign country(R2A, R2UK, etc.). It may also be an interesting read for people who are interested to know about Indian immigrants, culture, etc.

I am not the first one to write about it. But like each individual is unique, so are the experiences. I will share our journey back to India and the story so far through this blog.

I will be very happy to help anyone who is planning to r2i and also to discuss with people who are totally against the idea.

I hope my blog and other similar blogs, writeups, forums, etc. are of help to you in making a wise choice.